The meaning of life: dreams, Nietzsche, the percent of infinity, how it all works and why?

Ever wondered why we are here in the first place? What is the meaning of life and what the hell are we doing? I have an idea....

Maybe it's a blessing or maybe it's a curse, but I routinely remember at least 4-5 long-form dreams every night. Sometimes these dreams are prophetic.

Most often, the dreams are very specifically tied to my life. They are traumatic 90% of the time. I've learned a lot by analyzing my dreams, but their "realness" also haunt me. In waking life, I am unable to "imagine" pictures in my mind. What a disappointment to discover that a large portion of the population, can "see" inside their mind. We are so oddly unique. In contrast, my dreams are almost as real as waking life. I can see, touch, smell, feel, hear. I am "me" most of the time. Rarely, I play all the characters in the dream. I do not do fantastical things like flying, walking through walls or exploring mythical realms (except on the extremely rare times I am able to lucid dream.)

Instead, I argue with people from my day-to-day life, make breakfast, do taxes, fold clothes, drive cars, plant things. All normal stuff. It often takes me a few hours each morning to separate what happened all night from the day ahead. It seems like one big continuation of the regular day.

But sometimes the details are wrong. I'm still in college, say. Or I am living somewhere unfamiliar. When the dreams show me something extremely unusual it is often my invitation to take control of the dream and go lucid (for example; one time my mom was fighting with me at my house - but she has been gone for 13 years, so I knew it wasn't "real")  Or I occasionally meet "new people." These new people often give me insights. Insights that turn out to be accurate or related to something I am dealing with in real life.

A few years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night gasping. I had been shown "how it all works." Leading up to this, I had been given little dream "glimpses" but the people in the dream argued with each other about telling me too much of anything substantial, stating that I couldn't handle it.

Normally, waking leaves me with hours or remembered dream material. I process this information for a while then let it go. Sometimes, the dreams are worth revisiting and/or writing down. Usually, they are just tedious/disturbing moments I would rather forget.

But when I awoke from the "gasping dream" the details started to go almost immediately. What I remember is this: I have lived this life before.

Blah, blah, yada, yada - reincarnation, we got it. No. I mean THIS life. I was shown that I have lived this exact life an infinite number of times. I have done all the things I thought I missed. What if I took the promotion across the country? What if I married the loser I dated in high school? What if I never had kids? What if I had 15! All the junctions in my life where there was a turn - I've done all of them. A perpetual GroundHog Day.
It was relayed to me as a sense of "don't worry about what you have missed, where you have errored, or what you have chosen because you do all of them." But to me it instilled a major sense of terror. I do NOT want to live THIS life an infinite number of times. Heck, I don't even want to do it a handful of times. Once has been enough. But surely, in other "lifetimes" I choose all the right answers and life is a breeze, right? I'm not so sure. And, anyway, to be me, I have to have the same parents, dna, circumstances.....

I thought about this for the last few years. It was laid out explicitly in the dream. I understood how, why, etc. But none of that is available to me now. I started thinking about how it could be possible. If it's true for everyone, then there are an infinite number of times that my parents do not get married. There are an infinite number of times they stop after one child. Or that my fetus doesn't get born. There are infinite lifetimes where I die as a baby or at any number of ages. There is an infinite number of spin offs from every single person's reality. What a monster of a data heap.

There is much talk on the net about the idea that we might be living in a simulation. It makes a lot of sense, but it's inherently a waste of time to consider. It doesn't matter if this "life" is a simulation or not because while we are here it is "reality" and we have to live it. It still doesn't solve who/what the creators are and what they are doing with us.

But thinking of reality as a simulation does simplify a few things. The chicken and the egg conundrum, for one. Which came first? Probably both. When you think about life as a simulation, the best way to view it is as a video game. I find the Legend of Zelda to be a helpful proxy. **In case you have never played The Legend of Zelda, it is a free-form adventure game where you fight bad guys in the pursuit of truth, rescue the princess, level up on your skills and become a master sword fighter. It's worth playing - but the gamecube/wii versions are probably the best. I have not enjoyed the newer switch editions.**

When you want to play the game, you turn it on and the entire landscape is simulated. Chickens and trees are "instantly" there. You are there. Other players are there. When you die in the game, you restart. You play the same game again and again.  You are simultaneously the player and the character. On a game like Legend of Zelda, your heart pumps when you are in the heat of a battle, you are actively thinking about the puzzles and trying to get ahead. For brief moments, you are the character, but hunger, distractions, and the fact that you can see/feel your actual body keep you fully aware of your player status.

This game we are playing is much better coded. We do not see/hear/remember/feel our actual player - just the character.

If you have spent any time delving into the newest virtual reality technology, then you may have noticed how good it's gotten - someday it may be indistinguishable from actual "reality." It's very possible that what we are currently experiencing is an ultimate version  of virtual reality. All simulated on a giant super - every game encoded to include you in the specific timeline, with the same people, same environment, same rules.

Maybe this whole game played out once before - the real time. And in that "original game" we were all here. It played from beginning to end - from the dawn of humanity to it's demise. Maybe we go back to play ourselves in the simulated version of that reality to "try it differently" or "see what would happen if..." Maybe that is "hell."

Or maybe it is something else entirely. Let's run with the assumption that we are living something akin to a computer generated simulation (and no, that doesn't make it any less real to us) and we are assuming we are reliving our same identity an infinite number of times. Why would we be doing this? 

**Just recently, I came across Freidrich Nietzsche's concept of Eternal Recurrence and it sparked my thoughts on this topic again. I was glad to see I wasn't the only one that had this idea, but scary to know that Nietzsche lost his marbles at such a young age...**

Why indeed! Throughout history, religions have talked about the battle between good and evil. Most of us have an internal sense of right/wrong - most likely a product of culture, but maybe not. There is definitely some part of us that is "US" versus just the animal body that lives and dies.

What if this is all a test. Bear with me. Maybe it's as the old religions say - a test of your worthiness. Are you good or are you bad?

How many of us have said - "well, I would have done that better if.... I had more money, had better parents, didn't have to xyz" or something similar? What if these endless simulations are a way to determine exactly what you would have done under different circumstances. Maybe it's less about right/wrong but more about finding out who you truly are.

Let's bring in some basic math.

If  x=200, then x * 50% =100,  x* 60%=120, x*30%=60 and so on and so on, right? Well, we can exchange x for any number (or set of numbers). Why not infinity, ∞?

So if x=∞ then ∞*50% is 50% of ∞.

If you lived an infinite number of simulated lives and 80% of the time you raped other people, then is it fair to say that you ARE a rapist?

What if you got married in 60% of your simulated lives. And you married the same person 75% of the time. Does that make you actual soul mates? What if you were happily married only 8% of the time?

What if you commit suicide in 20% of your lifetimes. Is that considered a significant trait? What is the cutoff? Which parameters are being calculated? It's likely that all things are recorded and calculated but which are most important to you? Maybe it's something banal like the fact that your favorite color is red in 86% of your infinite lifetimes.

Okay.

Or maybe it's actually more serious.

Who are you really? I bet you think you know. Or at least you know who you are not? You may say: "I am not a rapist.  I don't abuse animals. I don't take advantage of or use people." That sort of stuff. But if that's truly who you are, then you better act like it. Because actions always speak louder than words, and it's fairly likely that it's being tabulated.

Maybe when you die (aka, simulation game over) you get to look at your stats. You can see where you stack up in your % of infinities. Maybe you rush back into the next game with gusto, determined to find your soul mate, to do the right thing this time, or to find out once and for all if you really are what the numbers say?

Why would we do this at all? I don't know. I have no idea what the ultimate purpose is, but you have to admit it's pretty strange that we exist at all. All of it is wild and crazy, yet it all works - like a large constructed multi-player game. Play on, player one. Go out and be the best version you can be.



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Thank you for your comments! I appreciate all your tips, advice, and well wishes!

Angela

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