The Battle for Middle Earth

My kids were outside playing. I was in the house, enjoying the silence, when I heard my daughter screaming. Bloody, danger screaming.

I immediately ran outside without my shoes and found her screaming near our front bushes. She was covered in bees. I grabbed her and put her on the porch. Then I removed every bee, squishing them with my bare hands.

She kept screaming. There were bees inside her shoes, so I took off her shoes, looked her over quickly, and put her in the house. Then I had my son go in the house through the garage.

Inside, she was still screaming. I carefully removed all the stingers. She kept screaming.

I told her I want her to scream like that if she's ever attacked by a stranger or wild animal (same difference?) then I went outside to battle the bees.

Actually, I went to find their nest. This time I wore shoes. I moved the bushes around and no bees came out. I looked all around the porch and other areas bees tend to hang out. Nothing. Then I kicked the middle bush - bees came out in droves.

So the hive was either IN or UNDER the bush. I went to grab a rake so I could move the dirt and mulch under the bush. I dug in the ground. Bees surrounded me and we were in an all out war. Bees were biting (stinging?) my neck and skull. A bunch of them got inside my shirt and kept stinging my body.

I walked away from the swarm and killed each bee individually. A few kept following me. They got in my hair and I trapped them in a ponytail. Then I squished them.

I didn't hear anymore buzzing, so I went in the house to rethink my plan. Another bee escaped from my shirt, and I clapped it out of the air.

These bee stings really hurt. And they weren't like normal bees. They just kept attacking.

The ironic thing is that I was in the garden, surrounded by bees just that morning. The bees and I coexisted without any trouble. Or any thought of trouble. I even womped a few raspberry canes to remove a mysterious beetle and the bees didn't even flinch.

But these bees meant business. Of course, I was digging directly at their nest with a rake.

I learned a valuable lesson. If you are going to fight with bees, do not wear shorts and a flowy tank top. And wear shoes.

I decided to put on jeans and a jacket, and I went back to hunt for the nest again. I needed to find the exact location of the nest.

I didn't get stung this time, but I did get swarmed. And I was able to better pinpoint the general area of the nest.

My husband called and I told him the story. He came home with some RAID. We went back out after dark and tried to find the nest again. This time, there was barely any bee activity, but I did see one bee crawl out of the ground.

We sprayed "the area" and then went to bed. This morning, I went to check if the bees were gone and if not, I was going to find the exact location.

This time, I was armed with a white plastic fork (I had spent a little time on the internet the night before) and again wore shorts and a tank top. It takes me a little while to absorb and integrate the lessons I've learned.

I grabbed the rake and dug out all the mulch. Bees came out like mad. I dove under the bush and stuck the fork right in the hole.

Mission accomplished. Um.... magic bee killing fork?

I'll be going back out there tonight once all the bees are sleeping. I'm not afraid of the bees (though the stings still hurt) but I want to make sure everyone is home when I dump a few pitchers of boiling water down the hole (marked with the white - easy to see in the dark - plastic fork.)

Then I'll be covering the location with a large glass pyrex bowl. Anyone that survives being cooked, will be unable to escape.

I know this sounds cruel, and I like bees in my garden, but they can't make underground nests in areas where my children play and we do regular yard work.

Wish me luck as I head out to kill them tonight.


Stephanie said...

Holy crap! Is she okay!?!?! How many bites did she get? I can only imagine her reaction - imagining how Aub would react - Since they are both the babes of the fam and have older brothers the same oldness apart I view them (A and A)as similar. Except my A loves her some babies, well her "big baby." That is the baby's name - "BIG baby."

Mary @ Fit and Fed said...

These sounds like wasps, not bees.

Homemom3 said...

oh ouch. I hope you get them all this time.

Jessica-MomForHim said...

Oh my goodness, it's just like your husband when he was little and was attacked by a swarm of wasps!!! I hope you and your daughter are okay!!

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