The Walk of Shame

Once a month, the ladies in my neighborhood get together to play Bunco. Yes, I said Bunco. If you're not sure what that is, google some older episodes of Real Housewives of the OC.

Our Bunco nights are exactly like that. And because of that, I've only went twice in the last 3 years. But a friend asked me to go this month and I thought I was ready to try again.

You see, hanging with the girls is a little too stressful for me - in a mega-high school drama sort of way. I said our Bunco nights were like the Real Housewives and I meant it!

There is alcohol, tons of glam, and catty fighting. The first time I attended, I made the mistake of stopping in right after a parade - in shorts and a t-shirt. Total barf. The second time, I made a little more effort but was still told I "looked like a homeschooling mom."

Okay, before the homeschooling moms get mad, you know what that comment was supposed to mean. It's just like when another friend called me an "outdoorsman". WHAT!

So this time I was ready. I was going to go glam. I was ready for the onslaught of questions about my weight and the bewilderment that I clean my own house or watch my own kids. I was ready.

But then I wasn't. I gave myself 40 minutes to get ready. That's huge because I usually take less than 10. I am embarrassed to admit that getting dressed was like a scene out of any date movie. I tried on everything. I eventually settled on a super cute black top, with skinny jeans, black boots, dangling earrings, and a chunky necklace.

Then I took it off. I didn't want to be the most glamorous. That would bring a whole new barrage of questions. So in the end, I went as myself - in a pink tank top and deep purple cardigan, small diamond studs, jeans, and high heels. GRRrrr. Why do I always end up as myself?

As I was getting ready, I kept repeating "don't wear sneakers, don't wear sneakers, don't wear sneakers, and don't be early!" I ended up wearing painfully high heels and walked over to my neighbor's house.

It was apparent that I was the only one "green" enough to walk, and I was annoyed. And I was wishing I had worn comfier shoes. As I got closer to her house, I noticed that no one else was there yet. Seriously? I had tried my best to be "on-time" or a little late. I was right on time and I was still the first one there.

Oh well. I rang the doorbell. She looked surprised to see me and I said, "Bunco is at your house tonight, right?" No. It's next week. OMG!!! I didn't want to be early and I ended up a whole week early! As if there wasn't enough gossip already, now I was the total space-cadet that showed up on the wrong date!

I was so mortified. So, I turned around and took my walk of shame all the way back home. Awkwardly... after all, I was wearing heels. She watched me walk away and I felt like the biggest loser. As I was walking away she called out "how did you get so skinny? You'll have to fill me in on your diet plan next week. See ya!" Crap!

So next week....I will have to explain why I'm so skinny, why I prefer not to eat meat, why I spread horse manure all over my yard, why I'm always outside, why I don't drink alcohol, why I carried 400 2x4's into my house yesterday, and why I showed up to bunco a week early. It's going to be a fun night.

But since I've already caused a scene, I have to go next week. Or the gossip will be insane. I hope my new deodorant can handle the stress. :)

The moral of this story: Always go as yourself (or risk walking the streets alone n full glam) and pay attention to details. No more email skimming for me. I'm going to give up reading them all together. :) Just kidding.


EcoMeg said...

That was so funny! I know what you are talking about! I can't stop laughing!

Dimes2Vines said...

I admit - I was laughing so hard - I'm sorry, you must have been soooo embarrassed!

OK, as a home educating mom of 10, I know exactly what you mean about looking like one! I have deliberately tried to keep myself from looking like I belong to that category!!!! Especially with 10 children, pple expect you to be overweight and dumpy - I refuse to fit their preconceived idea!

Hopefully, next week will go better than you think! Good luck and keep us posted.

Until tomorrow, Jennifer said...

You crack me up!! I play bunko once a month...when i started playing 3 years ago I never heard of it...but now i hear people play everywhere...

bbcd mama said...

I'm glad you can laugh at yourself. I could never survive with women like that. I wear make-up maybe 2x a year! You are right - just be YOU.

Jen@Scrapingirl said...

That was great!! As homeschooling momma, I was not offended. In fact, my hubby told me that if I EVER look like a homeschool mom, he would make me stop. :) Yes, you must read EVERY email and wear comfy shoes. :)

Mrs. Bridget G. said...

I LOVE this story!!!!! So funny! Still don't know what Bunco is, but I'm a bit scared to find out! lol

Anonymous said...

Yup, I understand completely about the "homeschool mom" comment. (And, as a former homeschooling mom, I don't take offense.)

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that...but thank you for sharing! It was just too funny! Good luck next week!

The NEW Mommiez Blend said...

OMG you crack me up!! I was going to comment on the morning massages and thought I'd just read a little bit more. Ahh! :) I'm totally with you on the 'explaining' we have to do. I'm afraid to start my compost pile because we have a deer problem here and I'm sure the neighbors will think I'm baiting them. I once wore my new super high heels to get the mail and take the clothes off the line...not because I am like that, but I was trying to break them in before a wedding the next day. Well I come to find out that the older neighbor guys thought that their wives should do the same. Um, ok! Neighbors. I tell ya. It's so hard to be ourselves when we have so much 'explaining' to do. :) Good luck next next week.

Becca said...

Oh man, I had no idea that Bunco drama existed! The bunco group my mom plays in is filled with people 20 years older than her, so their only drama is cheaters and temper tantrums!

Good luck next week :)

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