When you can't trust Grandma!

Juicebox jungle (see ad box in the right column...you can watch videos there) asked me to write a story about leaving your children with Grandma. You may have guessed from different posts that I do not have a mom. But she didn't die. Someday I'll post about the emotional damage of divorce (even when your children are adults!), but today I wanted to write about whether or not you can trust Grandparents to watch your children.

The bottom line: trust your instincts. My parents were never all that interested in the birth of my children. They had other things on their mind and it wasn't something they really cared about. I didn't trust them to babysit, but my husband was (rightfully) annoyed at our inability to get away and have someone watch our kids.

Shortly after my son was born, my mom offered to come every Thursday to give me an hour to myself. What a great idea! If your mom ever offers something like this, take it! Okay, but by this time in our lives, my mom was extremely selfish and side tracked by all sorts of things. She came one time, and I used my time to wash the showers (you idiot!!). The whole time she was there she was on her cell phone with her "manager". What? And she never came again....

But the worst was yet to come. I went into labor with my daughter on Valentine's day. My parents had agreed to come and watch my son (18 months at the time), but when I called her to tell her I was going into labor, she was so mad! She said she had plans to go fishing with a friend and she was annoyed that she'd have to cancel. On Valentine's day?? This should have been a huge red flag, but I was in labor, so I begged her to come.

When I delivered my daughter, I called my mom to let her know. I got her voicemail. Okay, that' makes sense, afterall it was 3AM. But she called me right back and sounded completely alert. I would later find out from phone records brought out in the divorce that she was talking to her boyfriend at the time. So what. It gets worse.

The next morning, I called to see how my son was doing. What time did he wake up? Did he eat breakfast? Was she reading the 20 page document I left on how to take care of him, the usual? Nobody answered the phone. I called again...and again...and again. I called her cell phone and she eventually picked up. Where were they? Well...she told me that she had to take him with her to work. That was her usual excuse but she was hardly ever really at work.

I told her I didn't want him at work. I wanted him back home. Well, she just couldn't do that. She had Soooooo much work to do. After some fighting, she ended up bringing him to my father's work and he worked with my dad for awhile. I called and told her I wanted him to come to the hospital to see his baby sister. She was annoyed and said "that means I have to deal with the carseat and buckle him up". Are you serious? Were you not buckling him before?

She reluctantly brought him to the hospital and was visibly annoyed. She didn't even hold my daughter....how's that for a grandma? Then she said, I'm not going back to your house. Dad is going home and I have work to do so I'm going to leave. I said, but you were going to take care of my son? And she said "Kevin can take care of his own d..m kid".

I'll never know where she really took my son or what kinds of things he saw. He had no speech at the time. I only know about the things that came out during the divorce and I hope his little eyes hadn't seen any of it.

Check out the juicebox jungle box on the right hand side...to hear other wild (and less traumatic) grandma stories.


Stef said...

I am a first time reader here, I found your blog link from Money Saving Mom's blog.

Wow... I really feel for you. Your "mom" sounds a lot like mine. My heart goes out to you. I use my mother as an example of how I never want to be. :(

Lydia said...

Wow, you make me feel thankful for my wonderful mom and wonderful mother-in-law. Not that I wasn't already but you helped me realize again what I GIFT I have. They both love our little son and are excellent grandmas. Too often I take that for granted!

I feel for you too...God didn't intend for moms to act like that. And I'm sorry you can't experience a mom and grandma who cares. Thanks for sharing your story! I appreciate your honesty and "realness".

Jessica-MomForHim said...

I'm sorry about your mom. I know it hurts you. You could blog about your in-laws instead! :-)

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